Dawn and Dusk

*Narrated by David Attenborough*

The Highlands Chimpanzee is a rare and fascinating creature, found only in a few square miles of flatland and hills in the modern American Midwest. While they are nearly genetically identical to the common chimpanzee, their mannerisms and inflated sense of self is unlike any other chimpanzee in the region. These principles are best seen in one of their most fascinating rituals: attempting to court and secure a potential mate.

The courting is most commonly initiated through a male chimp. After spotting an attractive female chimp, the process finally begins. While courting rituals vary widely based off of the age of the chimps involved, they often begin through a series of vague and ambiguous forms of indirect contact. (A maturing chimp may attempt to assemble a sheet out of compressing leaves together, carving symbols into the leaves, then throwing it at the potential mate). Many chimps are actually able to accomplish indirect contact through black reflective slabs found in their native habitat.

Once the female chimp catches on to the male chimp’s ploy, the female will either reject the chimp outright, or reciprocate the indirect form of contact until the chimps finally initiate the second phase of courting.

The male chimp approaches the female chimp’s “home tree”, bearing a metallic box that other chimps fashioned for it, along with holding an assortment of mangled lifeforms that form what scientists call “A Bracelet of Death”. The female chimp reciprocates by pinning similar dead lifeforms on the male chimp, before entering the male’s ornately carved box.

The chimps begin travel to a large central “tree”, and notice that several other undeveloped pairs of chimps are at the very same spot. Several pairs of chimps begin to form circles, as they jump up and down continuous while flailing their arms and legs. They continue this ceremony over long intervals of time, until every chimp unanimously and abruptly decide to return to their pairs for a brief period of time before continuing to jump and flail their arms. It is during these brief periods of slow movements that the most fascinating ritual takes place.

In select circumstances, the male chimp will take what can be describes as a “Leap of Faith”, and attempts to press its food hole against the female chimp’s food hole. While intended to be a part that intakes nutrient from the chimp’s surroundings, for the chimps this is a common and often somewhat binding ritual that, if successful, radically improves the male’s chances of securing the mate.

After the gathering of chimps is completed, the male and female chimp now reenter the ornately carved box and transport back to their respective home trees. For the sake of T.V. censorship guidelines, what other rituals may occur in the box will remain unsaid.

If the food hole ritual successful,what follows is several weeks of the chimps attempting to unapologetically showcase to other chimps that they have secured a temporary mate. The chimps will often exchange pieces of fabric for each to wear, with the female giving the male a band of fabric intended for head wear and having them wear it like the female wore “The Bracelet of Death”.

However, this exchange will likely not last, as the average Highlands Chimpanzee cycles through upwards of 17 mates a year, and has even been observed faking “mate hood” out of sheer boredom or from an overall sense of crushing failure.